Hustle and Bustle

Oh how the holidays are so quickly approaching! My favorite holidays of course are Christmas and Easter. I love to decorate..love to go all out for my family. I love my family and I love knowing they'll be with me for the holidays. I know it becomes difficult with my parents to always hop on that plane and come, but how I love them for it. I am here, but secretly, I'm counting down the days! So I started with the outside first. With my 50 in. wreath, my big Santa and reindeer, my white trees, and my ponsietta's, I think I'm set. Then being that it will be a gloomy weekend, thank God, I will do the tree and the inside. Okay, so there are lots of kids in my family, none from me though. And yea, the treat is always to go to aunties house because they know auntie always makes it Christmas. My favorite time of year...the times I wish will never end...the times that I know are limited....the times to enjoy every second of since reality states that this may be the last time everyone is together...the reality you don't want to be reality. So instead of complaining about the hustle and bustle, get off your ass, kill yourself and make it as usual, the best Christmas ever...and don't froget to go to midnight mass!

A Beautiful Day

Happy Birthday to me.....
growing old gracefully.....
I still have big tits........
and I still feel young with a devilish wicked streak that never seems to go away..........
Happy Birthday, Darling

Friends and Boss

So yea..I like my friend as my friend...I think he is genuinely caring and reliable. Borat, on the other hand, is one sick man....funny but nuts, literally. So I enjoyed my friend, his company, his good heart, but I don't know, something is missing...you know..that whole chemistry part...yep that...it's not there. Am I too picky...too selective...too stubborn...I don't know. Am I in a rush for anything...marriage, babies...nope..that stuff frightens me to death. So yeah...to spend time with someone for me, yea he has to be all that I want..call me selfish..but it's all or nothing...I don't want to wake up oneday miserable with someone. I'd rather keep my options open..god, I am such a guy. I know what I want in my life....and until it comes...I choose to be alone...by my wonderful self....so I guess my birthday will still be good, as I already have dinner reservations and yes with my little trip to Tiffany's today...there is nothing wrong with spoiling myself and buying for myself...umm a gorgeous gift...hell I'm worth it and I love nothing more than to be spoiled..whether it's by someone or myself..either which way...I want what I want and that's...umm just about it.

So my boss. How can someone be so super duper nice? After all that I've been through...she is just way too nice...we were always close, don't get me wrong...but the compassion..I'm being smothered here. So psycho deranged still, up until freakin today...still gives those hard stares..wtf...okay I will admit...yes I did get up extra early, did my hair....my color I just got has to be the most beautiful ever...the perfect deep chocolate brown. So yeah with my hair down to my ass...and my high heeled beige boots...I know I'm one to stare at..but woman, get the fuck away from me...so I did have a rather pleasurable half of week..with the on going love, support, and compassion of my very dear boss, who really understood my fear, who understands that this just may be far from over, who understands that we have a psycho on board, who understands that I value nothing more than my peace...I am thankful...I am truly blessed to have so many around me who have helped me through such a scary, mind blowing episode. I need nothing more in life than to feel safe....how can someone just invade your life, take over your life and feel the need to make you unsafe...how is this possible...How can people like this exist? I know, I just can't for the life of me understand it all....having been through trauma and assault before in my life...the hardest part is understanding why someone wants to take away from you...it really is hard, especially when you're at peace.

So throughout these past few emotional weeks, I must say...my cross..my beautiful diamond cross...is gone...maybe it hooked on something and came off...or just unhooked and is now gone....so my girlfriend bought me a gorgeous rosary bracelet, red beads of course, to keep the evil away...had a dangling blessed mother and tiny cross....guess what...after wearing it for a mere 2 weeks, gone!.....I can't understand it...there are some people who lose things, who misplace things...me, NEVER.....never 'lost a house key', a car key, money or any jewelry for that matter....go figure....just very puzzled...so my friend tells me...with the pics psycho took of me...she probably put the voodoo on me or that Santoria crap...I just don't understand...my 2, nonetheless, religious pieces..vanished right off of me...I don't know....and yea..I did ask Saint Anthony to help me find them....but nothing.

Oh and Happy Turkey Day!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving Day...do take the time to count your blessings and acknowledge all that you're thankful for....because it's only just a matter of time before some jealous evil prick comes along and takes it away......

10 Days

So my birthday is in ten days...I just wish I was in a better frame of mind..so my plans...with everything I've been through, it's safe to say that I need to rejuvenate. Tomorrow I shall go for my facial, thread the eyebrows, and a nice rub down. Friday will be spent coloring my hair and nails and feet. I have a date on Saturday to go to the movies....and yes, it has been a very, very long time. I've been talking to such a wonderful man who has been so supportive and insightful of my most heartwrenching ordeal of these past few weeks. He is very soothing, very calm, very nurturing. Am I in love, I don't know...but he wants me to get out and see Borat...I have not been to the movies in so long...so I'm really excited....It is not very often that you come across someone who is so reliable in offering advice, someone who can relate to your drama, someone who realizes the importance behind clothes and freakin identity...a man for me....So I have 10 days to see if I will be having a good birthday, if ya know what I mean kk....ciao bella

Resignation

So this is it, I've had it. I know I'm tough, I know I'm cool, but this is just too freakin freaky for me to absorb. I'm really hurtin here. I just can't understand what this freakin loser wants with me...I just can't understand why some nerd is after me. It's sick...So I did my resignation letter. I spent over three freakin hours trying to resign with the three big bosses. I explained that I'm no criminal and that this loser is bent on throwing herself through a window just to freakin blame me. Now this is where I am not afraid to admit I'm scared, because first of all, I'm a great aunt, second of all, the daughter you dream of, third of all, too popular around town, without one freakin blemish against my reputation, the reputation of being a complete sweetheart...a giver, an angel, a perfectionist....so why the hell would I risk all that I am, all that I've accomplished on some low life, insanely jealous lush, graduate from some community college loser, lemon driving whacko, tweed pants wearing, whole wardrobe full of no no's clueless freak, cheap flat shoes wearing broad, I swear from some other dimension, known as the twillight zone. WTF....I have way too much to lose so I TRIED to resign. Am I wrong, I figured at least I would be safe...I don't need some demon posing to be afraid of me, copying me, blaming me for the fact that everyone hates her..how the hell is it my fault if everyone hates her...what am I missing?? So the bosses refuse me...feel its best to get rid of Linda Blair...I feel horrible, claim I really don't want her to go, being that I have no malice...I just freakin want my identity back and I would like to be left alone...I know she's like hard up for money and yea, call me retarded, but there is a part of me that actually feels sorry for her, a part of me that understands her sick obssession with me..but the bigger part of me just doesn't want to be hurt in some sick way...so I explained to them that I really am frightened because I saw the same thing one night a long time ago on LifeTime...god, how I love LifeTime...and the woman kept smacking herself at her desk with a picture frame...and guess what...yep, she blamed the other person...the person who wants to be left alone...so I explained that I saw this...explained that I'm scared..how can someone hurt themselves, maybe causing injury which may lead to an ugly scar or a big old ugly bruise...but after speaking to my right arm, my girlfriend, a great lawyer, and 2 of her colleagues, all 3 assured me that this is her next move..whether I understand it or not....so they turned me down, spoke with venom spitting, can you spell Gucci - loser and assured me of my safety. So now, after having freakin 2 absences, which means no perfect attendance award for me because of this selfish prick....I decided to wait and hear if the coast was clear for me to return. So I wait for the green light and I must say, wo am I frightened...So I see her...she is pissed, walking around very heavy...huffin and puffin all over..WTF, what is her problem...so I am avoiding her, being my regular confident self, not even looking at facciabrutta zorcala. So I was talking to this colleague of mine..about this movie that we both saw, discussing why and how the end could've been so sad...and I feel eyes on me....I turn and yep...there's deranged cyclops...staring, fixated, with that hard dirty look...piercing right through me...wtf....so I just redirect my eyes to my friend...now what?? What's with the stare down, when does this end....how does this end...did I make a mistake not dropping off the letter and running to the hills..god, what do I do....you work so hard...so many years of so much hard work, solid dedication...for this?? What do you do?? What do I do....Why can't she leave me alone...when does it end....ooh fashion police..where are you...why can't crazies imaginary friend take her away and talk to her during the day...occupy her mind or something...this has to be the sickest thing in the world...can't believe I'm sick over this...God, I was so cool...but now I'm scared...no more LifeTime for me.....

Sick People

Why are there so many sick and crazy people in the world? Why don't all the crazies just get together, hold hands and jump off the Verrazano Bridge? Why must the deranged people of the world walk among our world. Why must they become a part of our lives, our existence. Why don't they just go away and get the help that they need? Do they even realize that they're mental, mentally unstable. Is there a turn on slash turn off switch? I am exhausted, what a mentally exhausting week. I really need to escape from reality for a bit. Maybe take a nice, sweet, short little vacation and soak up some sun rays. Maybe even stare into space for a while or sit and stare at the calming ocean. So finally the end of the most trying week in a long time. So super duper deranged has completely maxed out her derangeness. Yep, this week was quite trying, trying on my patience. Yes, I have managed to be quite calm, cool, collected, and freakin patient. But this week was bad. I have no fight left, why can't I be left alone....why must I be subjected to this. Go away, far far away from me. So loony called the police, yep, the police. Crazy says that she is frightened of me. Okay now what did I miss. Let me see, I hate your guts, you are a super duper nerd, you don't leave me alone, you bother my ass about 5 to 6 times per day, just to get at me, I avoid you at all cost, I feel that I want to have a trap door under my desk installed, where if I see you coming, I can magically press a button, like the big red ones from staples, and magically my entire chair with me in it, drops into a secret dungeon. Then based on a sensor, like when she freakin walks away, I magically appear. If anyone knows where to get this, please let me know or if there is an invisible potion that I can drink for the whole day, yet get all of my work done. There has to be something I can do. I just don't get it, if you're freakin afraid of me, so you say, then why can't you stay away from me...I know if I was afraid of someone, I would avoid them at all cost...what part am I missing...I can't freakin stand her for being so annoying, and I stay away. Could I ever get lucky...oh if you have some lucky potion that keeps psycho broads about 9000 feet away, please let me know. So now, I guess its safe to say I'm freakin scared, scared because I love my life and my clothes. Is loony going to start bashing her face in with binders or scratching her eyes out with the paper clips, but then blame me...even if I'm ummmmm sitting on the bowl or in the drug store reading all of the Hallmark cards. Do I have time for this? Why must I deal with this? So will I become like a criminal now, me, who rescues and saves the lady bugs? Will someone understand that I've been framed, how do we prove these things, how do you prove that super freak freakin made me pose for pictures on Halloween, where I couldn't even smile. If I was afraid of someone, would I be forcing them to pose for 3 freakin pictures...what am I missing here....I have always tried my best to avoid confrontation, as I feel it's the best thing to do...but wtf.....this is really sick, did I not say this was going to turn dangerous. How can someone be so obssessive with someone who despises them and thinks they're a total waste of cells. I mean I know I'm beautiful and all but god, can I find a man that can give me this much attention...is it possible..Oh, so lets talk about men for one moment..I love men. I would like to find a nice companion, someone who likes long walks, someone who is rather exciting yet humble and easy going. I think I'm really starting to despise drama. I would rather clean and then clean again than have to deal with sick people because at least I'll have the radio on and my thoughts are on my cleaning...how do people and when do people find the time to think so much about plotting and planning. How sick does this get...will I be stabbed or something while wearing my favorite white crisp blouse or my Max Studio wrap...do blood stains even come out...well my point, I am scared, and I'm not afraid to admit it....because I just want my peace and its being invaded..this is just not ending...what do I do?.....can I be left alone.....If you're crazy and old...stay out of the work force, stay away from people, especially the ones who have nice legs and big boobs, we don't like people near us.

Oh Drama

What a horrible Monday. The type of Monday that makes one want to pack her things, write a phenomenal resignation letter and make a new life. What would it be like to just up and move, to just go somewhere where nobody knows your name. A place where there is only peace and beauty around you. Where you have an inner peace that no one can penetrate...sounds too good, but what's holding me back...As I look at the facts, such as, I don't have a husband to hold me back and I don't have a child, what is really holding me back. Could it be the thrill of always fighting and always winning? Could it be that its too easy to do...I don't know but I figured for now, logging on and releasing some anger would help. So I'm exceptional, yes exceptional at my job, with 15 years of experience under my belt. I am nothing but just plain to nice to all, unless if you decide to fuck with me. So I go into work today, having a very happy morning, what a beautiful day when I must hear from colleagues that 5 of them received phone calls from this deranged, mental alcoholic. Okay, so I had a sleepover with my niece and nephews, was not out and about this Friday night..but come on..has she nothing better to do on a Friday night.

So she calls my colleagues, all of whose loyalty umm lies with me. So she calls them up, badgering them to tell the boss that I'm talking about her. Now, the sad part to all of this, is that I haven't said a word. If I knew this was going to happen, then yea, I would've said a mouthful, but somehow I chose the mature route. I love my colleagues, work is work, and like I stated earlier, I'm just nice to everyone. So after about 4 colleagues refused to get involved, this freakin paranoid lush, coaxes one in. So today, during a top secret meeting with the boss, as she questioned and questioned this colleague, a drum roll please, the tables turned. Could you imagine. The colleague stated all observations and hence, made her sob uncontrollably, as once again, she made a complete ass of herself. She cried even harder, as I was told, when the personal stuff came out, such as the dressing like me, talking like me, acting like me...wtf...you're from Long Island, loser. You're naturally cursed with that high pitched annoying dialect. So go shoot yourself now and leave me out of it...So after that, I see her, this faccia brutta, eyes swollen just one great big old mess. Not to mention, but like what was up with that freakin sweater, how could you even own such a thing. So yea, she's one big mess, clothes and all, and guess who begins "to take a tone and slam things", nope not I, I'm just too sweet, like sugar. Yeah, so she has a tude now, this is just not ending. What am I to do...besides laugh.

I just can't understand people anymore. I think it comes with age. In my 20's I was such a people person. As I've gotten older, I must say, I just want everyone to go away..I don't even want to know you....think it may be time to move on, venture off to someplace new...like the country or something. Someplace where things are a bit slower, the people nicer, not in your business, someplace where I can stop, plant and smell the roses, someplace to slow down mentally, someplace to try new recipes, and write blogs, someplace to wear a nice long flowing dress, someplace to enjoy peace and tranquility. Someplace where paranoid alcoholics over 40 are banned.....or is it just best to now spend my days whispering, whispering every second to people, whispering on the phone every moment of the day, whisper, whisper, whisper...as a really sweet way of driving zorcala absolutely insane in the membrane...yeah I think it works for me....but as far as running away and cooking sauce for 3 hours....just another dream to dream about....just a place to run to...maybe oneday, it'll be for real.

Psycho's Back...

Jesus Lord, what am I to do. This freakin psycho at my job is back. Last week, we both promised that we can work together. I, of course, being a complete bitch, plainly stated that if it's not work related, don't come near me, meaning if you start to die at 3:01, don't look for me...don't want to know. Sounds good, easy to understand. What the hell's her problem. Today, she came to me 5 times, which was for gay stuff, stuff I did not need to be bothered for. So umm, I think she's fucking with me...now it's on. I am not one to be toyed with...I am not one to engage in other people's shit, especially someone who's on board for 1 freakin year. I have no choice but to throw you overboard. So what's the problem?? What's wrong with people....Why say it's over when somewhere in your twisted nerd brain, you still have to tug at me...what the fuck....as if I have time for this. As I always say, when you make your move, make sure it's a good one because now....it's my turn.

Mothers

There is something about mothers that tears and tugs at everyone's heart. I don't know what it is...whether it's something that your moms going through or something that your friends mom is going through...all I know is that I'll never know what that's like, and that's fine. So my mom has to have a minor procedure done tomorrow and I can't help but feel bad for her...she is a nervous wreck deep down inside and still a scared little girl way deep down. Me, I'm so much stronger. I can't help but wish it was me instead, just to save her from having to feel the way she feels. She tries to be brave in front of everyone, 4 children and 5 grand babies later, but I know first hand, she's a chicken shit. Not in a bad way of course. I think everyone feels the same way about their moms. I just think it's horrible to watch someone grow old, someone to be pained, to suffer. I wonder if its all worth it. I wonder if its best to ignore all ailments or disease and just give up gracefully...I think this way about myself...with my mom or anyone else, I feel they must rectify the situation..but for myself..I wonder if I'd fight, I wonder if I believe i should...I wonder if I would tell anyone..now I'm no chicken...I can handle pain quite well...I just wonder what I would do..
So mother, I love you dearly, and I wish you didn't have to go through this tomorrow...be brave, little girl. We're all here for you......God Bless You Ma.....