The End of a Long, Beautiful Year....

To the end of 2007, a long, beautiful year, one that I would never hope to end. Being that it does end...only gives a reality check that all good things must come to an end---nothing is forever--no one is forever--and it reminds us that in life, we have to stop and re-evaluate. So for the past few days, I have been beside myself---with re-evaluating-cleaning out the closet--re-organizing--everything and everyone in my life---Out with the old and in with the new--now this is where it becomes complex---is new always better? just because something is different does it mean its better? Now, I am a total facts person, which means, lets look at the facts---my mother's old---should i get rid of her? so i never understood the concept--maybe I'm just too analytical---I don't know--- So after a lot of soul searching--after the last few days of desperately trying to clean up---these are my conclusions drawn---resolutions? that's going to take a bit longer---I progressed so much in one year--emotionally--I opened up--only to be dumped--but the lesson I got from it all--is that I'm ready--ready to leave the house-love of going out has come back in---love of being dressed has come back--love of being in the company of a man---has returned---all things that I did not think I would ever feel--all things that I did not know how to get back--if I wanted back---so thanks to one man who took the time to show me, the patience to deal with me--the understanding to know that--one false move could possibly send me back to 7 years of exile---for this I am truly grateful---for showing me and leaving me--nope, never want to let go--is he gone--yes--for good--yes, I can feel it--do I understand it-no----Next, work--work is good, am I happy as I should be, no- can I change it- yes---do I have fear of the unknown--workwise--nope-never--Friendship wise---over and out---what I did learn--is that as fast as one moves out---its only because there is another one that is coming in---that needs to come in--to show you something---or for you to show something to--so in this area--I am not stagnant--I am open--open to the change--open to the fact that people change---I change--our time is up--time to move on--less is more---jealousy and competition are 2 attributes that I swear, I avoid like the plague---meaning---I won't pay the price for where you're not in life or where you've never been in life---that's your problem--deal with it and leave me out of it---I've had a beautiful life---one that I can't complain about---one that I would never wish to switch places with--for anything--I have parents whom I just adore---the only change--the one change---the only thing ever i wish I could change or go back in time and erase---would be, the worst day of my life---I know you're not supposed to look back--not question--but 7 yrs--until my Harris showed up---was far too long to pay of a price--i think i lost out on a lot---what did i miss---too many people liked me there---too many felt it was great to be completely disconnected---i was the perfect friend--the perfect babysitter---so the anger still is melting---but i missed toooo much, too much that I feel I can't get back--that I'll never get back---too much to pay for a man's mistake---which makes me question ---in this year---as I look to find----time that was lost, could I meet bad things? Do I give up peace of mind, safety--to find maybe ---the worst type of man on the planet---do I give it up---this is the question---hoping to find the answer--its the only unknown that frightens me to death----so as the year begins---my focus is me----the year to put the other foot ahead----I just know it---its time---if you're with me, you have to be with me---if not, then I have to find what I lost--I just have to---with or without you----2008, I'm ready---

Happy Holidays

Tis the season to be jolly...eh, I don't know. Okay, all is well, everything is fine, and I know I should be very happy. But I'm not as happy as I could be. Still nothing, 2 months and 2 days later, and nothing. Haven't heard from my H, the one I love. And I know I should just forget him as he's forgotten me, but its hard. In 3 days, it would have made exactly one year that we met... The very first time that I had laid eyes on him. Such beauty....too beautiful for the human eye...He changed so much in me in so little time...and kicking and screaming, I want so much to be back there....so much to wish I could turn the hands of time back...back to the freshness, the newness of all that he was....the beginning of so much for me...I never thought that I could love someone as much....and you know the rest of the words.......So, with all of the hustling and bustling--I've made my few minutes of what I need so much time with---time to say Happy Holidays...Time to say..H, almost a year...and darling, I miss you more than you can ever know, not one day, one moment goes by that you are not with me...I love you and I miss you....Happy Eid, Merry Christmas...and Happy everything---until next time when I have the time I need to express all that I feel----