Millions Upon Millions

So I've just been pondering...doing some deep thinking...and beyond millions of people who walk this state--upon million elsewhere, on a plane ride...or maybe some tourist who needs directions...faced with millions, how do we end up creating a certain circle? Why do we know the ones we know, wh did we ever come in contact with the ones we came to know, we came to love? All of my friends changed...the crew from high school, so different from the crew from college...the neighborhood ones, so different from the ones we searched for...but in the end---or the point we're at...who is there?
We meet, get a lesson and move on....those friends of mine who I held so dear---have vanished--gone, there is nothing I have left to say....nothing bad, but the interests have become different---the goals different, the tastes, so opposite----it leads right back to a familiar place of 30 something odd years ago---leads right back to the place you left in search of different, in search of better---breaking out of a norm........but here's the question....just because someone or something is different, does it necessarily mean its better? This is the question, the place where I am at---in realizing that the common from young, the escape you tried to escape---all comes right back---where your friends today---are not the friends from 5 or 10 yrs. past, your wants, no longer the same, your needs---what you need for another 30 yrs----not where you've been looking---not there to find---if it was, you would've found it---and in your heart---you would be able to look at the world and swear by your new discovery.
You know you can't, you know you won't because deep, deep, down inside lies a place of comfort---a place where you can find comfort and give comfort---and it was right in front of your face all along---you looked, but you couldn't see. You had to evolve around the millions upon millions to help you get there---to help you see---to make you swear by and stand by what you know you need.....where there is comfort in more than you have found. Every entry guaranteed an exit...and now, emerging wiser, allowing the wisdom to kick in----there comes that time when you know your search is over---there is no asking, no more searching....your wisdom, courage and strength that you haven't allowed in, will guide you----will guide you to the place where you can just stop....stop and breathe....and know its where you can stay for the rest of your life....with all the common----all the comfort--that you let get away for too long----while you were in search of something that you can't even explain---because if you did explain---if you did allow the inner adult to speak....you yourself would be suprised at what you were in search of.....this is why you couldn't find it....and if you still dream of finding what you can't explain---what you are to ashamed to explain---your search will never be over---and upon examination in another 30 yrs, I can bet the answers will still be the same----the only part missing----would be the courage, the strength, the wisdom----in other words.....THE BALLS