Almost All Over

So I am counting down the days, counting down the weeks--to be exact, 14, yup, just 14 more days, 8 full, 6, done by 12 days until its all over. I can't wait. Love my 2 months off all to myself--I am a different person, so different--I can't explain. I just feel as if I just don't care about anthing or anyone---not in a bad sense though--Its just that it's all about me. I plan on leaving town once again, all set. Tickets are done--and I look forward to having a nice 4th of July elsewhere. I'm excited, there is nothing and no one to hold me back...Now if we rewind--and I know its bad to unwind--but what a wicked summer I had last year. The move from hell. I give people who move lots of credit. Moving sucks. I don't know how these apartment people do it. I could never--jump from one place to another---I need stability, need to be put, remain put. The only thing I can remember, is that I had my H with me...I think I may need a new letter, as that letter can only identify but one...Maybe i am thick headed, maybe I don't know a good thing when it comes along, maybe I still need time...maybe I shouldn't sit and think about someone who moved to another friggin state...someone who obviously thought I was nothing important enough to move so far away from, maybe pining is wrong and I should be sentenced to death for it. All I do know is that i am leaving, I do not wish to have someone in my life at this very moment. I have another agenda, other things on my agenda and I just can't fit someone in who I know I am not true to...It's not fair to the other person--nor to myself. Friends, I like. Friends, it works. I am a good friend, a person who is slow, I do not move fast with people--whether male friends or female--I am slow... need to be slow---so maybe I'm wrong, but you know what, my life is great, 2 months where I can turn my brain off and be nice and dumb--2 months, not to be sucked up or ruined by someone that I just can't give myself to. I do not believe in using people for my own selfish reasons...but rather, I need to go slow, be slow....and if those that are willing to go at my turtle pace are accepting of me and my issues, then I shall keep them--if there is compassion---and trust---and respect for one's space--then I will always remain thankful in my heart...and loyal to the man who can just accept me for me and not for whom he would like me to be...I would love my guy to get into real estate and building with me---to never look at another woman--to not spend every dime on me--but save it all for me--in our old age-yet be thoughtful---to never get mad---to only drive high end cars, make and model---to have a certain level of living and great family life--to cater to my every need--to call me about 5 times a day, everyday---so we may all have a great image of our ideal mate---but to expect him to fit into this mold in no time is something I would never dream of doing---I think I would stick by him if I knew he wanted to get there and needed my patience---so therefore..I would expect the same in return....i need the time...i am slow...i need patience above all, someone who has the patience for me...