Dating Sucks
So here I am, up Sunday morning, early..still crying over my date from hell last nite. I know my tears very well and my tears are pretty much telling me, melt down, of a life, or should I say of trying to have a romantic life. So I meet jerk, where else, on the computer. Jerk is a studying surgery, so he claims. Who knows? I am starting to believe that I'm the only one who doesn't lie here. Did anyone listen when mom said you're not supposed to lie, its just best to tell the truth? Convinced no one is honest, a quality I respect very much. A quality I'm convinced doesn't exist today. But here I am, honest--about it all. So we exchange emails, move it to the phone...all day...now he wants to meet saturday...I am busy--You know I'm doing over my closets...It is spring, this means spring cleaning..In my comfort..do I really want to stop, get the hair done, get dressed, put on makeup, NO-I'd rather be home-you know this, we all know this--even call him,have my melt down, tell him Im chickening out...but no, this guy was on a mission, mission to knock me right back down again....He drives in from uptown, I walk, meet him a half block from home. He is out of the car, greets me, we agree we're both comfortable. No awards here for me, but I am a comfortable person,make people feel at ease...So we agreed lite--coffee, dessert, we walked around, a beautiful nite, we sat on the benches...now, tired, I want to go home, yes, closet and clothes are on the brain..my bed, my pj's...I need my things..they miss me, I miss them, have issues being out of my element. Get in the car, 5 blocks and I will be home, home..where I love, where I miss. He wont start the car, asks if he can make a phone call...I look at him puzzled...I'm 5 blocks away, take me home and then make your friggin phone call is my thinking....instead, as i look at him puzzled, he tells me he is calling his guy friend, who is sitting in the car behind us---my heart sinks....jerk tells me he has a syringe--have i ever heard of date rape---My heart falls to the floor---i look back, no one is there--I start to cry-i open the door to get out--he tells me he's just joking---he wil take me home, he pulls up to my home...I'm crying-I want to take a swing, I swear I could take him---he tells me of all the mistakes I made, the chance I took with him in getting into his car---I get out---Home, crying...this is dating in NYC? what part am I missing--we talked---we had to meet---he made the plan---H came for me, H never scared me--h never did this---H would never--Why did he go, why do I have to date, lesson- I will die alone--I swear I will never go on a date as long as I live...think I am--I'm not.I've had it, had it with men, had it with dating, I've just had it. I never want to speak to H again, or any male for that matter, back to hating men...all of them, except my da.
posted by vita86lover at 6:30 AM
8 Comments:
getting back into the dating scene can be rough, but it all boils down to trust and following your gut instinct. you could tell deep down there was something off about this guy, and you were most likely correct. but remember that every guy is different and you can fall in love again, it'll just take the right guy to do that. H is but a distant memory, dont let one person affect the rest of your life. everyone we meet for better or worse will make some sort of impact on our lives.
so how did you know my name?? lol you have me very curious now
nope, i disagree, they're ALL the same--he was different--Asad M,hmm, look at the picture closely--re-read the very 1st blog--all of the personal info is fake....stories are real..
you know, where do i start? when i started to read your entry something strange started to happen, and a tide of memories came crashing in.
i never left and i never wanted to leave, and if you give me a chance i would explain everything. what happened was real and beautiful, and never deserved to be cut so short. i still owe you a chapter and much, much more. the question is, do i get a second chance to make a first impression?
this is why i believe in fate
fate-i would say more healing--u were "the ghost"-that made all of this possible--I channeled into a blog--that trip to Michigan, I knew--it led me into the worst thing i couldn't imagine--meeting someone real--u were the 1st step for me...ur probably eating cheesecake--going for a run--or now a therapeutic ghost for someone else, u were my inspiration-Asad-i hope i captured it all as it was--pulitzer prize?
I think we're always in a stage of healing; the world is unpredictable and it hurts a lot. i never just 'vanished,' rather i had no way of reaching you and all i was left was the ghost of someone kindred. you were lost...but now i found you again. you know, some things change, but some things always stay the same; right now i'm not eating cheesecake nor am i going for a run, yet all i am thinking about is you. i wouldn't just want for you to be the girl that got away.
Oh, Darling, I bet you must say that to all of the girls...hmmm,no cheesecake? So all of this time,reading my drama, you had NO idea this was ME?...you helped me--so much--prepared me for H--preparation H--ok,didn't come out right--but there was absolutely no way I could've--engaged in dialogue or even met him for real--I died when the email was no more,a million times--wasn't ready to let go--i wondered how you could just forget me,--u know, you CAN email me--v
i want to tell you the truth, and i have for the longest time imaginable but i just didn't know if you would ever come into my life again. do you know why i couldn't email you back? because my email account got disconnected. one morning when i tried to log on, i kept getting error messages. your phone number, your email address, every possible way for me to contact you...was gone. i even frantically tried going back online and looking for your ad in a vain attempt to get a way to contact you. if you notice, you'll see the new email address i had to create is just like the older one, with an additional number at the end. i feared that i would never talk to you again. i know you've probably heard a million things regarding my character, or lack thereof, but the honest to god truth is that i had lost you and there was not a single way to find you again. i didn't even follow your entries until a month ago when i was sorting through things and i saw a comment from you (not knowing it was YOU in fact), and just messaged you and things led to this moment. i am not a liar and what i had confided in you was always in truth, but i feel as if you had your doubts and maybe the people around you believed the same thing. i didn't move on to someone else; i didnt 'leave' you; i didn't run away; i didn't want to leave the story with an incomplete ending. on the contrary i think the story would have written itself beautifully. so here we are again, with a moment that should not be lost on us
yea,yea,yea--sounds sooo true--so go to my fake pofile--and email me directly...
Post a Comment
<< Home