I Never Thought That I Could

Love Someone as Much as I Love You...I know it's crazy, but it's true.....eh, this song just about sums it up for me. Oh my H---what am I to do? Answer- nothing, just enjoy, don't rush, take it slow, don't question, don't analyze, just throw your arms out and free fall- just to see if he catches- just to see if he has your back. So I vented, I was upset, hurt--but not anything bad--its because I just wanted to see him, just wanted to be with him---and I felt that he didn't even care----I mean face it, when you have feelings of any kind for anyone and they aren't acknowledged it--it does become hurtful--it can be your best friend that you ask to go sit with you and have a cup of coffee---and she umm, just blows you off and never calls---so I vented-but then I was over it---and my H--my darling and most wonderful H--to my rescue once again, rescues me from the chains that bind me---my arms just fling open for him--he's the only one that makes it all better--makes it all go away---he calls-wants to know if Im mad---he could never know--what that voice does to me--to just hear him--aah--puts the biggest smile on my face, maybe I should never speak to him on the computer again---computer-bad, phone-good.

So my darling comes for me--oh, the aggressive behavior--the take charge man---the man that doesn't let it sit and simmer for umm a few days, which turns into weeks, which turns into wasted time, a heavy heart, a restless mind, a fucked up work week, aggravation, he doesn't sit and ponder, scratch his ass---nope, THE MAN---the boss of me---comes for me---embraces me with those arms--the arms that break my defenses down--the arms that hold me tight--the arms that tell me he's here, here for me, here with me...my H.

He understands me, understands my passion, understood my frustration...he was gentle--forgiving----he balances me---when I'm with him--I can be calm---I can be myself---he knows how to handle me---how to just diffuse it---and not make it spiral out of control---he brings it down---down to that point where its extinguished---he puts it right out and sets it straight, this is what I love him for...I try to do the same, when I have him in my arms--I want him to let go too....I can feel his uneasiness--I can sense his hurt, his disappointment---his lost sense of direction, his adamant duty to block it out and not embrace it---and when I hold him--I want him to feel safe to let go too, to let him know I got his back---to let him know--its okay---i can make it go away.

So this is what my H does to me---I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love him...someone that I prayed for soo long to come into my life---and its scary- I wont lie---scary to know that in life---one has to be careful of what they ask for---one has to be careful of what they dream about---of what they fantasize about---because----someone listens----and what you always dreamed of---you just may get. The hard part is in recognizing it and once you have, you must never let it go---but cherish it---and be thankful for it---someone was listening--someone smiled on you.....this is how much he makes me feel---feelings that were dormant for far too long---someone listened.