Moving

Moving sucks! So it looks as if Tuesday will be my first night in my new home. It's strange, too strange...here I was only having a thought, and my dad acted on it. I can see now the positives so clearly, I will no longer be trapped in a house that is far too large for me and too much to maintain. I may now be able to have a life. This is the scary part, because I don't know where to begin. This is what I've known my whole life. I don't know what it feels like to have nothing to do on the weekend or in the evening. With moving, it has been the biggest pain, as on top of packing up, I still must maintain my daily routines here. Laundry still needs to be done, grocery's bought, floors washed, bills paid, cooking, bathrooms cleaned, as well as completely cleaning and sanitizing a new place, ugh calgon, take me away...

I'm a tough chick, so to balance and focus, I'm good at it, eventhough things may be falling apart elsewhere. Okay, you dragged it out of me, I hate him, hate H. Just to recap, I had the best time with him that saturday night and it felt amazing to be with him again. Even though there was no kissy kissy huggy huggy, I always enjoy just being with him. So the day after, I always feel so stupid, as I just sit around pining over him, with that big dumb smile on my face. I didn't hear from him, nor see him on the computer. Hmm, did he forget about me, have I been dumped? So anyway, to fast forward, the weekend was coming, didn't here anthing from him, so low and behold, I see him on the computer on saturday. I decided to say hello, bad move. He was such a mother fucker to me, it's not even funny. He was rude and then I stated that he was cold, and he said "I know". what the fuck? So of course, all I'm thinking is that maybe he has some hot date tonight, and his attitude is "fuck you, V". With that, I said goodbye. I really hate him, nope, you don't understand, I really do. The week before, he stated, he had NOTHING better to do, so my feelings were hurt because I felt he was with me because ummm, he had nothing better to do. So with him blowing me off and being so cold, it hurt my feelings, really ruined my mood of packing up and working on my new place. So now I feel that its totally over. Whoever he was with, I hope she was worth it, hope he finds happiness, because I AM DONE, stick a fork in me, because I am done! Not to whine and complain, but how could a man go from being so sweet, so affectionate, so dear..to being a cold, heartless mother fucker. Is this a nice guy? God, I'm better off with a thug. At least with a thug, everyone thinks he's an asshole, but he is as sweet and loving as can be, and way too attentive. My ex used to call me a hundred times a day, now mind you, there was no call waiting nor caller id back then....so he used to just call and call and get more mad as time went by. I had my own phone line and he used to interrupt the line all the time. He was so jealous, always in my business wanting to know who I was talking to...some how he always thought it was a guy, until he realized I would sit on my bed and prank the chinese restaurant every 5 minutes..I was never that cheatin type, never was, never will be, eh, he had me trained-where it was something you never even thought about. Look, the chinese restaurant threw him out and threatened to call the cops, but it wasn't his fault, for chinese rice to go flying all over the place, you know he was pissed off by the dirt bag sitting there, he should've kept his mouth shut. So I think my lesson here is, don't go for the nice guy who claims to be the nice guy, because the nice guy is not the nice guy. He is mean, cold, not sweet, not attentive, never showers you with affection, especially in public, not good with the phone, doesn't communicate well, as lets say I did something to offend H---I'll never know---because HE won't tell me. I'm different, I'll tell you-"Look, you do this and it annoys me or you don't do this and this is what I need..."and then from there, I expect to say it just once and I expect that you will do it,or not do it. I would expect the same, tell me something and I will never do it again or tell me what I don't do, and I would be certain to correct it. Its what you will do because you care about the other person. I wouldn't just throw him away, obviously thats what he did, he just chose to throw me away. So this is where I'm at in life. Excited for my new job in the fall, my new home...and with that, I need a new man, NOT "A NICE ONE", nope, keeping far away from the nice guys.....and still looking to go away for sometime, as I really do need a vacation, calgon, take me away!