I Hate Everyone
So I haven't written in sometime and I hate not writing, as it really is a great outlet.
My parents were in town for sooo long, just left on Saturday. I miss them already. They are very good to me and very supportive in all that I'm doing and in all that I'm going through. This is really my hectic time of year, however, I just can't wait until it all ends. My principal made me cry today, she is upset that I'm leaving, upset and I must say, really understands my desire and need for safety, to not have to keep looking over my shoulder. I know I am doin the right thing. I have been going through so many changes within this year, of so many different areas of my life that have been so dormant, so stagnant. I feel the need to chuck everything and everyone to the curb. With leaving my very comfortable job and goin to a new one, I'm filled with excitement. So many of the children there all know me from my reputation, so the feedback has been great, which makes me feel good. It's exciting that they're excited to have me, aka..the math wizard. So I'm happy for this change and blessed that it fell right into my lap during my moment of my chaos.
Next, I'm moving. I also sat my parents down and explained that I am far too trapped in this house and never leave it, since I always need to be done with everything. They understood and as fate would have it, my dad has cute little apartments and would you believe, as no one ever moves out, yep, one became vacant. So he told me to give it a shot. Maybe it would last a few months, I don't know. I am a chicken and very comfortable in life, things I want to change, though. So I think it would be dreamy to live on one floor only. I've never lived on just one floor, so this should be interesting and exciting as well. I love to be alone, by myself, with my music, with my movies, so time will tell me if I grow homesick. I shall start to pack myself up this weekend and I am not moving until next week, when I have no obligations.
Going away is always my thing to do. I love to be out of the city, as it sucks being here all year. I love the quiet pace and I love to slow down from time to time. Can I live without the chaos for the whole year, probably not. So when its time to relax, I like to relax. When its time for work and chaos and drama and the fast pace, I deal with it. So as far as going away, I may need to put it on hold as I need to take my time to move into a nice small place, by myself, and make it a home. What sucks is that no matter what, I need to be here for August 10th and my cousins gay wedding in August, totally screws me up.
So hanging here for one summer out of the last 16, should be interesting. I'd get to do something I never get to do during my summers...DATE. Yes men, here I come!! Honestly, I just want one good one. Speaking of good one, let me get H off my chest, literally...What a JERK. What the hell was I thinking? So we spoke, then I decided to be upfront and honest with my feelings for him. MISTAKE....BIG MISTAKE..so I wrote him a loving email, then ummmm NOTHING, yes nothing. It is now a whole week, I know that rat bastard probably blocked me, since I also have not seen him log on ALL WEEK. WTF? Aren't we supposed to be honest? truthful? upfront?
NEVER AGAIN!! He is not honest, not truthful. Does he think ignoring me would make it less painful than telling me upfront that he doesn't feel the same?? So his silence tells me that he is probably still with his chiquita banana, was probably at the Puerto Rican Day Parade this weekend, waving his flag, ugh. So in my mind and in my heart, I have to walk away.....and you know me, there is nothing that will ever make me want him or care for him again. It's time to put my energy, my goodness into a good man who is sweet like sugar, who will make me melt, who is affectionate and caring. Only one man gets me. I don't have time for games. Men suck! I am so done with him, its not even funny. what the hell was I thinking??Whomever he is with, she better be that wonderful...just go...he can have her, but he can't have me, you don't get me, my time, my mind. So now I am looking forward to meeting some men, going out on some dates. I think this would be nice. H was the second man in my life, I had just met him so fast and it started fast. Maybe I should have dated around before moving so fast with him. You live and learn, So with dating, I think I will find a nice man and have a nice summer and maybe I can still go to my mothers for a short while, maybe with my date. They would be so happy. So my neck is starting to cramp..its after 10...and I need a cup of tea.....til next time...I hope soon...after finals!
My parents were in town for sooo long, just left on Saturday. I miss them already. They are very good to me and very supportive in all that I'm doing and in all that I'm going through. This is really my hectic time of year, however, I just can't wait until it all ends. My principal made me cry today, she is upset that I'm leaving, upset and I must say, really understands my desire and need for safety, to not have to keep looking over my shoulder. I know I am doin the right thing. I have been going through so many changes within this year, of so many different areas of my life that have been so dormant, so stagnant. I feel the need to chuck everything and everyone to the curb. With leaving my very comfortable job and goin to a new one, I'm filled with excitement. So many of the children there all know me from my reputation, so the feedback has been great, which makes me feel good. It's exciting that they're excited to have me, aka..the math wizard. So I'm happy for this change and blessed that it fell right into my lap during my moment of my chaos.
Next, I'm moving. I also sat my parents down and explained that I am far too trapped in this house and never leave it, since I always need to be done with everything. They understood and as fate would have it, my dad has cute little apartments and would you believe, as no one ever moves out, yep, one became vacant. So he told me to give it a shot. Maybe it would last a few months, I don't know. I am a chicken and very comfortable in life, things I want to change, though. So I think it would be dreamy to live on one floor only. I've never lived on just one floor, so this should be interesting and exciting as well. I love to be alone, by myself, with my music, with my movies, so time will tell me if I grow homesick. I shall start to pack myself up this weekend and I am not moving until next week, when I have no obligations.
Going away is always my thing to do. I love to be out of the city, as it sucks being here all year. I love the quiet pace and I love to slow down from time to time. Can I live without the chaos for the whole year, probably not. So when its time to relax, I like to relax. When its time for work and chaos and drama and the fast pace, I deal with it. So as far as going away, I may need to put it on hold as I need to take my time to move into a nice small place, by myself, and make it a home. What sucks is that no matter what, I need to be here for August 10th and my cousins gay wedding in August, totally screws me up.
So hanging here for one summer out of the last 16, should be interesting. I'd get to do something I never get to do during my summers...DATE. Yes men, here I come!! Honestly, I just want one good one. Speaking of good one, let me get H off my chest, literally...What a JERK. What the hell was I thinking? So we spoke, then I decided to be upfront and honest with my feelings for him. MISTAKE....BIG MISTAKE..so I wrote him a loving email, then ummmm NOTHING, yes nothing. It is now a whole week, I know that rat bastard probably blocked me, since I also have not seen him log on ALL WEEK. WTF? Aren't we supposed to be honest? truthful? upfront?
NEVER AGAIN!! He is not honest, not truthful. Does he think ignoring me would make it less painful than telling me upfront that he doesn't feel the same?? So his silence tells me that he is probably still with his chiquita banana, was probably at the Puerto Rican Day Parade this weekend, waving his flag, ugh. So in my mind and in my heart, I have to walk away.....and you know me, there is nothing that will ever make me want him or care for him again. It's time to put my energy, my goodness into a good man who is sweet like sugar, who will make me melt, who is affectionate and caring. Only one man gets me. I don't have time for games. Men suck! I am so done with him, its not even funny. what the hell was I thinking??Whomever he is with, she better be that wonderful...just go...he can have her, but he can't have me, you don't get me, my time, my mind. So now I am looking forward to meeting some men, going out on some dates. I think this would be nice. H was the second man in my life, I had just met him so fast and it started fast. Maybe I should have dated around before moving so fast with him. You live and learn, So with dating, I think I will find a nice man and have a nice summer and maybe I can still go to my mothers for a short while, maybe with my date. They would be so happy. So my neck is starting to cramp..its after 10...and I need a cup of tea.....til next time...I hope soon...after finals!
posted by vita86lover at 6:46 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home