The End Has Come

Feeling a bit relieved..the end has come--2 months now to do whatever I please..or is that the case? 10 days to get order and board a plane with 3 little ones--where drama will be drama in every sense of the word. There will be a huge brawl for a window seat, endless trips to the bathroom to check things out--and then the urge to jump on the carousel and take a ride with the luggage--Oh God, give me strength--and we didn't even get there yet. Upon arrival and there will be more drama to be continued--but through it all, I love the chaos and maybe I do have a need to always be on--and busy--But there is that part of me--that wishes to escape--to find a second to meet a man--a good man--that can just understand---but for now--once again--it's a part of yearning that has to be ignored and closed off. I don't know how to work it in--where to work in--this life is not my own--and why bother to make the time when in the end--he will just leave--or not turn out to be worth the effort that I sacrifice to make....so why even bother---why--when Virginia will steal him in the end...this is where I'm still at---staying here for a bit longer---because there's no place, no time, not worth the effort---to be put in and be left with nothing in the palm of my hand...the sand...which slips right through your fingers...where does it go---was it even really there to begin with?....what you do know--is that you miss how it felt when you had it.....