Healing

So part of being let down, disappointed...once again.....comes the healing. Healing is good, its not a bad thing, I firmly believe that time heals all wounds, but why must it be almost 2 yrs of the same wound? This is where I don't understand the whole time thing--why do some people fade and some we just can't erase from memory or from the heart? Is it being stubborn or is it fate....this I don't know---Erasing is hard, so as of last nite---I did what H finds so easy to do---I DELETED him, its the closest I can get to erasing....Yup, on the way I hope to a speedy recovery, I've deleted him--the way he went home after being with me and just deleted me....what is a friend, he claims I'm his friend, yet doesn't treat me like one---Do normal people delete their friends, do normal people insult their friends, do normal people lie about their sign? So feeling hurt, disappointed, confused once again....I've decided to once again lick my wounds and move on. Today, I spent the day with my friend R.....R is cool....R is on my side....R offers comfort, listens to my complaining....R despises what H does to me...He is a pal--a real girlfriend, when you need that talk-----that talk that leaves you questioning....are you more miserable with the other person in your life-----or without----without, I'm upset....with, I am the happiest ever....but what can you do when the one you want wants the complete opposite of the person that you are?????....You realize its not going to happen...remain unselfish and let go---so the other one can find their happiness...find what he desires, what will make him happy, what will complete him....you let go....realizing that you can't wait here any longer, for something....someone that does not even keep you as a friend....you watched the phone ring--you refused to answer----you let go---the heart stops trying....no longer willing----its not what he wants---with all of the love you have for him----you delete him, never answer the call....to help lead him to his destination----a Mendhi nite , which will turn into some other nite, some other function, some other thing that "he has to search out" to see what's there, who's there--searching for what ever it is that he needs.....its not you.....so with what has been close to 2 yrs of knowing something so valuable, so beautiful....its time to move....time to let go...time to let the other one be.....time for you to make new friends who regard you as a friend...treats you as a friend...who doesn't take advantage of your kindness.....time to not be sooo dumb anymore.