Friends and Boss

So yea..I like my friend as my friend...I think he is genuinely caring and reliable. Borat, on the other hand, is one sick man....funny but nuts, literally. So I enjoyed my friend, his company, his good heart, but I don't know, something is missing...you know..that whole chemistry part...yep that...it's not there. Am I too picky...too selective...too stubborn...I don't know. Am I in a rush for anything...marriage, babies...nope..that stuff frightens me to death. So yeah...to spend time with someone for me, yea he has to be all that I want..call me selfish..but it's all or nothing...I don't want to wake up oneday miserable with someone. I'd rather keep my options open..god, I am such a guy. I know what I want in my life....and until it comes...I choose to be alone...by my wonderful self....so I guess my birthday will still be good, as I already have dinner reservations and yes with my little trip to Tiffany's today...there is nothing wrong with spoiling myself and buying for myself...umm a gorgeous gift...hell I'm worth it and I love nothing more than to be spoiled..whether it's by someone or myself..either which way...I want what I want and that's...umm just about it.

So my boss. How can someone be so super duper nice? After all that I've been through...she is just way too nice...we were always close, don't get me wrong...but the compassion..I'm being smothered here. So psycho deranged still, up until freakin today...still gives those hard stares..wtf...okay I will admit...yes I did get up extra early, did my hair....my color I just got has to be the most beautiful ever...the perfect deep chocolate brown. So yeah with my hair down to my ass...and my high heeled beige boots...I know I'm one to stare at..but woman, get the fuck away from me...so I did have a rather pleasurable half of week..with the on going love, support, and compassion of my very dear boss, who really understood my fear, who understands that this just may be far from over, who understands that we have a psycho on board, who understands that I value nothing more than my peace...I am thankful...I am truly blessed to have so many around me who have helped me through such a scary, mind blowing episode. I need nothing more in life than to feel safe....how can someone just invade your life, take over your life and feel the need to make you unsafe...how is this possible...How can people like this exist? I know, I just can't for the life of me understand it all....having been through trauma and assault before in my life...the hardest part is understanding why someone wants to take away from you...it really is hard, especially when you're at peace.

So throughout these past few emotional weeks, I must say...my cross..my beautiful diamond cross...is gone...maybe it hooked on something and came off...or just unhooked and is now gone....so my girlfriend bought me a gorgeous rosary bracelet, red beads of course, to keep the evil away...had a dangling blessed mother and tiny cross....guess what...after wearing it for a mere 2 weeks, gone!.....I can't understand it...there are some people who lose things, who misplace things...me, NEVER.....never 'lost a house key', a car key, money or any jewelry for that matter....go figure....just very puzzled...so my friend tells me...with the pics psycho took of me...she probably put the voodoo on me or that Santoria crap...I just don't understand...my 2, nonetheless, religious pieces..vanished right off of me...I don't know....and yea..I did ask Saint Anthony to help me find them....but nothing.

Oh and Happy Turkey Day!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving Day...do take the time to count your blessings and acknowledge all that you're thankful for....because it's only just a matter of time before some jealous evil prick comes along and takes it away......