Stalker Returns?
So I haven't been myself, too much going on. I now feel better, well not really, but it's time to return to my writing, something I don't like to feel withdrawn from. So I'm back and regarding the few emails I received, thanks for the support. I still miss him and nope, nothing still. Safe to say he doesn't miss me or think of me, as I do him. But I did put myself back on the market, one man's garbage is another man's treasure. Just can't understand that when someone claims to be "nice", how is it possible to not even end with a..."sorry things ended this way, you're not one of those trashy bimbo's I'm used to meeting in a club, and even though those are the one's that I do give my total respect and honor to, I would just like to wish you well." That to me, would be the decent thing to do. Nice girls really do finish last, never mind finishing last, nice girls never finish at all today. Dating in this decade is so not for me. It sucks, where are the cowboys, that treat the nice ones nice and the bad ones bad? Anyway, enough said. I don't want date anyone.
Looking forward to having 10 days off. 10 days which will be spent forgetting him as he's forgotten me. I'm just scared rght now, really have the need to feel safe with a man. Speaking of safe, I came face to face with my secret admirer, note leaving stalker or whatever you want to refer to him as. It was a hectic week. Spent Wednesday and today out of my usual building. Left midday and went elsewhere. So today, upon my arrival, with my car stopped directly in front of the door to my building, jumped out at about 2:40 just to give something to my boss. Was dying to just come home, as usual. How I love being home. Wished her a good weekend, ran out, swear to Jesus I saw no one, but then again, I really don't pay attention. Blew my hair out last night, knew I was going to be elsewhere, wanted to look nice, had my hair out, my great big sunglasses on, long sweater, heels of course and jumped in the truck, turned the key and at the same time- there he was, banging on my passenger window. I swear, I almost died. I rolled down the window, he asked me my name. I responded, thinking it was work related. He said, "don't be scared, don't be scared", now I'm scared....
Okay, so I'm tough but deep down inside, I'm scared, scared of men. Eh, women- NOT, I will totally mess you up. Men, men frighten me to death. He tells me that he has been watching me, watching me for months, said he knows I work here, said he even saw me with the children at a place 2 blocks away. I started to freak inside..what if he would've approached me then or said or did something...I'm responsible for others..what happens if they have to witness something where they may now be at risk of being left alone or taken from me because this man needs to have my insides shaken like this? Is he serious?
So I asked if he lived on the street, where did you see me? He tells me he drives past my building everyday to see me. Said he has been wanting to stop me for months. Knows that I am working here for years. Said he likes me and thinks that I am the most beautiful person he has ever seen. Is he fucking blind. My hair is slicked and pulled back about 95% of the time. I dress with an attitude that says "fuck off", go away and my posture wreaks the same. So I'm trapped now, in my car, his head through my window, god, I didn't even look to see if my doors were locked. So now I asked him if he was the one to leave the note on my windshield about a month or so ago...He said NO...but I think its him..God, don't tell me there's another one..its too freaky..Now there was a very large mini bus parked infront of me...so I couldn't see maybe to two cars ahead of me...He tells me he was driving down the street and saw me walking out of the building and pulled his car in and ran over to mine...Now its too weird, because I walked out and a mere 30 feet away was my car. Don't think he had enough time and how did I not notice that his car, a silver lexus....had time to pull in..for him to jump out and be by my window...can I really be this oblivious?
So he tells me he lives in the neighborhood and wanted me to go with him for a drink..I said, I don't drink...I said,Look, I am flattered and all and I have to be honest, this is just a bit too much for me..I am sorry, but I must go"....He starts to yell at me..."Now look, I am being a complete gentleman...I am taking the time to introduce myself..I've been dying to approach you for months..you can't do this...I'm thinking..God, why can't someone walk out my building..why is there not a soul on this street?
I told him I don't drink...He tells me that I can follow him and that I don't have to get into his car and he could buy me coffee....now, honestly...do I want coffee...we all know I'm going home and I have to take my nap..how can I drink coffee at this time of day?
I declined...he said he wants to take me out...have dinner with him....said he wanted my phone number....Now, mind you, as I pulled off this morning...the weirdest thing happened...I had just started my car and I realized I didn't have my wedding band. I even contemplated running back in to get it and at that very moment...I said..ugh..I 'm not going back in but I know theres a reason I forgot that ring....Swear this is the conversation I had with myself this morning...because I am never without it....too strange...
So I told him..."Look, this doesn't feel right..and I'm seeing someone....now,, this is not true..I didn't know what to say..I was frozen...god, why didn't I say I was married...I can't believe I forgot my ring...now he wants to know if its my boyfriend..I'm so stupid..I said no...I can't lie for shit...this is where I want to choke myself...or H...its all his fault....I would chose to blame him for this...because if I was still seeing him...I would've kindly said...I am seriously seeing someone that I wouldn't even think of ever cheating on...but no..this couldn't flow from my mouth as it could've weeks ago...so I would like to blame H......its all his fault.....so now this guy...his name is Nick...he's Italian, lives in the neighborhood...and drives a Lexus...and he expects me to go on a date in a minute? He is a very good looking man but I don't trust it..He told me that he was 30..wtf will I do with a 30 yr. old? I need someone mature...not some young guy who is running up to women in cars..scaring them shitless...watching them from somewhere..no, its too creepy..I don't get it...I don't think I can say I've ever watched a man or drove down a street everyday to see someone I don't even know ..just from seeing someone...is it possible to like them like this? He told me he would not leave until I gave him my number or he will come back to my job....so now...I got scared..I can't jeopardize others...so I gave him my number because I know I will change it or just not answer or tell him I'm in love with someone else and I am not a cheating type...so now..i gave the number...I love my number..I've had it for years..but I can't risk this guy coming by my job..I'm embarassed...what would my boss think...once again..the frigin note..frigin Kenny from the workshop...I can't have this at my job..it's sick...its not right...
So now...he left..thank god..my knees locked on me...I needed water...I needed to calm down....I couldn't pull off...he pulled off...I went back into my building..saw my boss...she said..I thought you just.....I said get some me water please..went inside and told her I think I came face ot face with the note guy....I told her I was frightened because he took a tone with me and threatened to come here if I didn't give him my number...I calmed down....wanted to throw up...I told her I gave it to him because i don't want him by my job...she walked me out..I still wasn't ready to drive..went to my girlfriend around the corner...told her what happened..she agreed he threatened me and that he's psycho....then my phone rang...I answered...guess who...it was Nick..he said he really is sorry for frightening me and he wants to talk to me...and he wants to call me back...i just said...ok....in complete shock....and then he hung up....so now my girlfriend told me he was checking to see if i gave him the right number...because he didn't know I was at my girlfriends, he could've talked to me...so then I came home and slept...haven't said a word to my family...what do I do about this....what happens now...I know I'm not interested in someone like this..I know I don't like his tone...I can see he is that angry type...not gentle how H was...but that mean type...what do I do...change my number....tomorrow...but then risk that he'll show up at my job again...what do I do...do I tell my dad? The only one who tells me what to do....but if i tell him...he'll worry...so I drove home...and I kept looking in the mirror...just to make sure he wasn't there...thats sick..i never drive looking in the mirror...thinking someone might be there...but this is what this ass made my ride home like...why must I always feel unsafe...why does this happen to me...when all I crave is to not have to look over my shoulder...what happens now? And what if he surfaces in front of these children, these parents...these children that I walk to church with..alone...these children everyweek that i take 2 blocks away by myself to the gymnasium...how could I risk this...why would this man frighten me like this...this has to leave my head...with H...I really need a vacation...and a man in my life....that makes me feel safe...
Looking forward to having 10 days off. 10 days which will be spent forgetting him as he's forgotten me. I'm just scared rght now, really have the need to feel safe with a man. Speaking of safe, I came face to face with my secret admirer, note leaving stalker or whatever you want to refer to him as. It was a hectic week. Spent Wednesday and today out of my usual building. Left midday and went elsewhere. So today, upon my arrival, with my car stopped directly in front of the door to my building, jumped out at about 2:40 just to give something to my boss. Was dying to just come home, as usual. How I love being home. Wished her a good weekend, ran out, swear to Jesus I saw no one, but then again, I really don't pay attention. Blew my hair out last night, knew I was going to be elsewhere, wanted to look nice, had my hair out, my great big sunglasses on, long sweater, heels of course and jumped in the truck, turned the key and at the same time- there he was, banging on my passenger window. I swear, I almost died. I rolled down the window, he asked me my name. I responded, thinking it was work related. He said, "don't be scared, don't be scared", now I'm scared....
Okay, so I'm tough but deep down inside, I'm scared, scared of men. Eh, women- NOT, I will totally mess you up. Men, men frighten me to death. He tells me that he has been watching me, watching me for months, said he knows I work here, said he even saw me with the children at a place 2 blocks away. I started to freak inside..what if he would've approached me then or said or did something...I'm responsible for others..what happens if they have to witness something where they may now be at risk of being left alone or taken from me because this man needs to have my insides shaken like this? Is he serious?
So I asked if he lived on the street, where did you see me? He tells me he drives past my building everyday to see me. Said he has been wanting to stop me for months. Knows that I am working here for years. Said he likes me and thinks that I am the most beautiful person he has ever seen. Is he fucking blind. My hair is slicked and pulled back about 95% of the time. I dress with an attitude that says "fuck off", go away and my posture wreaks the same. So I'm trapped now, in my car, his head through my window, god, I didn't even look to see if my doors were locked. So now I asked him if he was the one to leave the note on my windshield about a month or so ago...He said NO...but I think its him..God, don't tell me there's another one..its too freaky..Now there was a very large mini bus parked infront of me...so I couldn't see maybe to two cars ahead of me...He tells me he was driving down the street and saw me walking out of the building and pulled his car in and ran over to mine...Now its too weird, because I walked out and a mere 30 feet away was my car. Don't think he had enough time and how did I not notice that his car, a silver lexus....had time to pull in..for him to jump out and be by my window...can I really be this oblivious?
So he tells me he lives in the neighborhood and wanted me to go with him for a drink..I said, I don't drink...I said,Look, I am flattered and all and I have to be honest, this is just a bit too much for me..I am sorry, but I must go"....He starts to yell at me..."Now look, I am being a complete gentleman...I am taking the time to introduce myself..I've been dying to approach you for months..you can't do this...I'm thinking..God, why can't someone walk out my building..why is there not a soul on this street?
I told him I don't drink...He tells me that I can follow him and that I don't have to get into his car and he could buy me coffee....now, honestly...do I want coffee...we all know I'm going home and I have to take my nap..how can I drink coffee at this time of day?
I declined...he said he wants to take me out...have dinner with him....said he wanted my phone number....Now, mind you, as I pulled off this morning...the weirdest thing happened...I had just started my car and I realized I didn't have my wedding band. I even contemplated running back in to get it and at that very moment...I said..ugh..I 'm not going back in but I know theres a reason I forgot that ring....Swear this is the conversation I had with myself this morning...because I am never without it....too strange...
So I told him..."Look, this doesn't feel right..and I'm seeing someone....now,, this is not true..I didn't know what to say..I was frozen...god, why didn't I say I was married...I can't believe I forgot my ring...now he wants to know if its my boyfriend..I'm so stupid..I said no...I can't lie for shit...this is where I want to choke myself...or H...its all his fault....I would chose to blame him for this...because if I was still seeing him...I would've kindly said...I am seriously seeing someone that I wouldn't even think of ever cheating on...but no..this couldn't flow from my mouth as it could've weeks ago...so I would like to blame H......its all his fault.....so now this guy...his name is Nick...he's Italian, lives in the neighborhood...and drives a Lexus...and he expects me to go on a date in a minute? He is a very good looking man but I don't trust it..He told me that he was 30..wtf will I do with a 30 yr. old? I need someone mature...not some young guy who is running up to women in cars..scaring them shitless...watching them from somewhere..no, its too creepy..I don't get it...I don't think I can say I've ever watched a man or drove down a street everyday to see someone I don't even know ..just from seeing someone...is it possible to like them like this? He told me he would not leave until I gave him my number or he will come back to my job....so now...I got scared..I can't jeopardize others...so I gave him my number because I know I will change it or just not answer or tell him I'm in love with someone else and I am not a cheating type...so now..i gave the number...I love my number..I've had it for years..but I can't risk this guy coming by my job..I'm embarassed...what would my boss think...once again..the frigin note..frigin Kenny from the workshop...I can't have this at my job..it's sick...its not right...
So now...he left..thank god..my knees locked on me...I needed water...I needed to calm down....I couldn't pull off...he pulled off...I went back into my building..saw my boss...she said..I thought you just.....I said get some me water please..went inside and told her I think I came face ot face with the note guy....I told her I was frightened because he took a tone with me and threatened to come here if I didn't give him my number...I calmed down....wanted to throw up...I told her I gave it to him because i don't want him by my job...she walked me out..I still wasn't ready to drive..went to my girlfriend around the corner...told her what happened..she agreed he threatened me and that he's psycho....then my phone rang...I answered...guess who...it was Nick..he said he really is sorry for frightening me and he wants to talk to me...and he wants to call me back...i just said...ok....in complete shock....and then he hung up....so now my girlfriend told me he was checking to see if i gave him the right number...because he didn't know I was at my girlfriends, he could've talked to me...so then I came home and slept...haven't said a word to my family...what do I do about this....what happens now...I know I'm not interested in someone like this..I know I don't like his tone...I can see he is that angry type...not gentle how H was...but that mean type...what do I do...change my number....tomorrow...but then risk that he'll show up at my job again...what do I do...do I tell my dad? The only one who tells me what to do....but if i tell him...he'll worry...so I drove home...and I kept looking in the mirror...just to make sure he wasn't there...thats sick..i never drive looking in the mirror...thinking someone might be there...but this is what this ass made my ride home like...why must I always feel unsafe...why does this happen to me...when all I crave is to not have to look over my shoulder...what happens now? And what if he surfaces in front of these children, these parents...these children that I walk to church with..alone...these children everyweek that i take 2 blocks away by myself to the gymnasium...how could I risk this...why would this man frighten me like this...this has to leave my head...with H...I really need a vacation...and a man in my life....that makes me feel safe...
posted by vita86lover at 11:59 PM
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