I Miss Him....

So he called me tonight, I just stared at the phone...no message. He was on the computer, I didn't show myself. He has to know I'm upset about his comment...not a nice thing to say, or should I say, write. Now, he is not like this in person or on the phone...he is the sweetest, most perfect gentleman...ever. So I'm really in shock...I know I'm more free on the computer...maybe he is as well, maybe his hidden thoughts and fantasies easily come out...I don't know...so is this really what he wants...now I know, I hate to do the comparison thing...but I've only known my ex, a total street wise thug...jail, trial, everything...a real hard ass.....but with me, the opposite...if he would dare even have said something like that to me..he knew I would've crumbled...so I can't understand H...he has to know by now, from everything I share, exactly how I am, what type of person I am...I don't know...What I do know....is that I miss him...how I just wanted to answer the phone...but what would I have said, i was still in shock. And why didn't he leave me a message...I just wanted so bad to hear that voice, that makes me melt, drives me insane...but no freakin message. So was he feeling me out...to see if I'm done with him? Am I done with him? Did he really mean what he said? Is he into that? I don't know. I need to think, I must re-evaluate this friendship, relationship, whatever the hell it is.....I need to hear something from me. He knows what he said, because when I asked him if that was what he truly wanted and to let me know now....he signed off and went to bed........another thing I can't stand....I don't think I ever went to bed upset, not knowing where the ex's head was....I don't believe in going to bed upset or not on the same page....the ex was very in control....controlled all situations, but positively...where I didn't go to bed feeling like shit....and mind you, I am not one that you can easily be mad at....If I told H....he could be with me for 14 years, and I can guarantee, he would never have a reason to be upset with me...eh, I can guarantee it.....it would of course, be something on his part, his doing, which would allow me to cop an attitude from the getgo....so I don't know...time will tell me...I have to trust time...I would rather trust H, but I don't know what to think...he has to show me more...he has to make me stop questioning who he is...he has to be more upfront with who he is....why can't he be like me.....just honest...and I was from day one...i always start off saying...eh, this is me...no suprises...what you see is what you get....this is me....and I'm straight forward...I know the biggest thing for me is to leave the house...Now, H is the only person within these last 2 months who just quickly gets me out of the house...since I always want to be with him...even today...my sisters came by...my nieces, my nephews, they HAVE to come to me...then after they left....my girlfriends wanted me to go out to eat...yeah right, they know me too well....I got yelled at...they wanted to know why I wanted to be home alone pining for H...I just felt like it...I did a report for work....cleaned...did laundry...oh and I did go to the store to buy more milk...needed to make my oatmeal, how I love my oatmeal....but they know...they know its different when H gets me out...he just gets me out....something they and my sisters are not capable of doing....and don't get me wrong, they're thankful for him for this.....especially my mom....and now he does this...not fair...now it's over...he is probably with a new woman right now, someone prettier, someone smarter, not someone nicer, maybe someone taller, maybe someone into whatever he's into...whatever...I want only the best for him.....he was my angel...and I miss him...good night H, I don't know...I just really don't know......