Confused once again....

So my most desirable lover is home...my most desirable lover does not seem to desire me...i just don't understand him...so I really feel the need for some love and attention...so I tried to explain that I feel as if I deserve about 70 hours in bed...however, I don't know, could it be jet lag....but H informs me that I can't handle it...and therefore I should settle for a movie instead...now...what am I missing...well, I know what I'm missing...but after hearing his loving voice so early in the morning..and mind you, he knows I'm not one to rise a minute before noon on the weekends...and speaking to him tonight until he fell asleep...I just can't figure him out...I feel as if I'm ready to explode...maybe he got laid in India or Pakistan or both..maybe he is fine...fully laid out..exhausted and suffering from jet lag...so now after being so patient...I guess I have to ummm still be patient...I want to choke him...its one a.m. and I am still processing this whole conversation from so many hours ago...did he not miss me...is he not dying for our clothes to be off in mere minutes..to be in bed with me...is he playing hard to get...or just not interested...I don't know..I guess time will tell...have to be patient...have to get to bed....work tomorrow...which sucks..just so not in the mood...which is not like me at all...so my boss called me tonight...what a sweetheart...so I am quite spoiled...in the sense that I refuse to park far from my job...yes, I must be right out the door...especially with this cold weather..who wants to park far away...yuk...so on Friday...would you believe...I went out for lunch and as I'm getting closer to my car...which is not far at all...I notice something on the windshield..now I knew it wasn't a ticket or anything like that...so I grabbed it off the windshield and got in...I started to read it... some man saw me getting out of my truck and entering the building, so he wrote...said I looked so sweet and bundled, said I made him feel warm inside and all over and some other NOT nice things....so umm yea...I freaked out..freaked out real bad...was now looking around..sort of feeling eyes on me from somewhere...in the note, he swore he was not a psycho and would like to meet with me...so yea...I freaked out...real bad...called my lawyer friend who was in Atlantic City...my right arm...who knows I can't deal...I can't deal with this...I had an instant stomache ache..as my first feeling was to just throw up...why the fuck must I always not feel safe..why the fuck do I have to deal with this...balls...someone has some set of balls to do this...how could you do that to someone.....what gives someone the right to write such a thing and leave it on your car..how could u approach someones car...how could you.....so my girlfriend calmed me down...have I been found...no it can't be...I am now on the other side of town...far away from my attacker...why now...how could someone do this...I am so clueless..I get out of the truck, with my coffee, my bag, my pocketbook, like clock work...every morning...park in the same spot...and I just get out...never to scope out..i'm mere feet away from the entrance...so I showed the note to my 2 bosses...who both are fully aware of my past experience..and my most recent experience with the psycho nerdy loser from work...so they understood my fear..I was sick..held my stomache....they read the note...I must now park elsewhere..I have to go through this..are you kidding me...I must be subjected to parking around the other entrance..walking with all of my stuff because some jerk, some man whom I hate so much right now..had to take it upon himself to frighten me like this...I hate men..I really do..not H though....so I will do it...I just hate changing my routine...my nice simple ways...but deep down I'm frightened...have I been found...God, I hope to god not...I will leave...I will have to,,,I could never go through that again....that would be it for me..just put me in my coffin....so now...I don't want to go to school...I don't even want to go to bed right now...going to bed means....work in the morning...so my boss was pleasant...checking up on me, she knows how sick I get over this...which is why I refuse to leave the house....when I went to AC, still had the note in my jacket..showed it to a few lawyers and my girlfriend...I know them all well and they had been quite helpful with my last ordeal...so they said to be careful...park elsewhere...and keep my eyes open...said a person who says, dont worry, i'm not a psycho or anything.....usually is...My boss told me I needed to just inform my dad...the worst thing in the world for me to do...We are both close and I know how he freaked...how he couldn't handle what had happened to me in the past...but I did it...called him..he knew in my voice I was uneasy...and I told him...he said to be careful and not have anything in the truck with my address or anything...that this man may break my car to find me...and he doesn't think it was the other man...the one never found...so I felt okay hearing that from him....so I want to stay home..home is safe...in H's arms...completely safe...from everyone and everything....I didn't tell him, H, my lover who doesn't desire me... and I don't think I will...but for now...I just hope and pray I haven't been found....this can't happen...I hate people...I really fucking do....no...u don't understand...I really do....