Bachelorette Party

So here it is Friday night, eleven o'clock and I'm supposed to be out at a bachelorette party, are you kidding me? Do I seem like the type.... to indulge in such nonsense, who comes up with these things? F--ing shower..... F--ing registry..... F--ing kitchen tools for the wishing well....F--ing Bachelorette party.....Okay, well I can understand the kitchen stuff...Personally, if I had to do it, I would have myself registered at William Sononma...I walk in there and I swear I'm in heaven....that is,IF I had to do it... Now, call me old fashioned, but you're getting married at the end of the month, you're pregnant, which means you have a child inside of your stupid self, yet you're going out...What am I missing? Maybe it's just me...but I refused to go....besides, I had a houseful, everyone just left...I'm with my family...now let's say I was getting married...shut up and let me have my moment...please, thank you.....Okay, If before I married, before putting on my beautiful vail....I would have a nice evening out with, of course, my sisters, my mom, my drama queen nieces...my aunt..and my girlfriends...I would not be bent on being with the girls from the wedding...I would need the girls of my life...not freakin people I know of only 3 months..but my life long relations, the girls of my life, my world. I would go out to a nice dinner...maybe somewhere in the city, I always loved to eat by Park Ave. South...it's been a while....or maybe even Peter Luger...and hell..if I was, god forbid, pregnant...I'm not going anywhere....one of my sisters would cook of course and invite everyone over....they all know that's what I like the best....it's how I spend every birthday...at least I get to include the kids this way...the way I like it....so tonight...I guess somehow, I have to survive, hope I'm fine with not being out indulging in eating that chocolate penis lollipop...or the penis this and the penis that.....somehow, I have a feeling I'll be fine.....I detest gay people and gay stuff.....not in the literal sense, figuratively speaking of course.....Real gay people, homosexuals, do not phase me in the least....gay garbage....eh, I don't have the patience...so now I want so badly to sleep in late tomorrow morning....in the worst way...but it's not happening....this week easily feels like 2 weeks in one...not fair...but what can I do.....oh the drama.....I'm going to bed...still miss H...but starting to come to terms that everything in life happens for a reason, there's always that one person in every family that everything falls on, the person who has to do for everyone..the one that never marries or has children of her own....so starting to come to terms that my life could never be my own...H was just a much needed distraction, a break from reality...nothing more.......from my own mothers perspective, the only way out would be if a man like my dad appeared in my life...a man who moved her far away from her family...to another country, then another state...relocated her for his own and her own well being....makes me wonder, how did she do it? How did she just start a different life....how did she move so far from her family.....I feel that I can never leave my sisters...I would love to live in Florida again...but how could I leave them....my mom says that when you meet the right one, you can just leave as she did....then she tells me....that if my brothers in law had balls and actually decided to leave new york....that my sisters would have no choice but to leave me and go...what would I do....what would I do with this house........but she was lucky.....my dad stood by her and how he adores her...and vice versa...and I can guarantee she didn't have a bachelorette party either.....men like this don't exist today.....how come? why not?