Back To Work...

So once again. Monday will be here. No more being home. How I love to be home. I guess its different if I was living in an apartment or something. But I enjoy my home and enjoy working on it and always doing something. So after a week off, a week of pure relaxation and heart break, I guess I'm ready for more drama tomorrow. So I haven't heard from H, which clearly to me, means that I was nothing more than a peice of ass to him. It is quite clear that he never cared for me and I guess its better this way. I learned so much from him. I learned that I want to love someone again. I would like to meet a man who has my back, a man who has an interest in me, a man who can be my best friend, a man who I can enjoy doing things with, a man who is nice, who says nice things, not mean things to me. This is what I want. A man who can make me trust him...enough where its possible to let go and be free...all of the things H had promised to be for me but didn't keep his word with. I do miss him. I did value my connection with him, I did feel so comfortable with him....and I know myself too well...I hate everyone...I'm sure it will be a long time before it happens again for me, but I'm patient...I must remember, Love is patient, love is kind.....So I do wish him the best. I know he won't find a problem finding his round the way girl. Girls like that are a dime a dozen, so I'm sure he enjoyed a great weekend away from me...I just wish he didn't make believe to be someone that he wasn't. I wish he was straight forward from the beginning with what type of man he was and what he was into...I would never have fallen for him...I came so close to sleeping with him, eh, its hard, I think about him all of the time, but my life will soon be hectic again, thank God. I will go back to work this week and my parents will come into town on Wednesday...and usually when that happens, my whole world stops for them...so it would have been hard to work in H as well. And I do have Joe's shower this weekend...then my sisters birthday party, my parents party and then the wedding the last weekend...so I guess everything happens for the best. My family does occupy much of my time when everyone is together. I do tend to wait on everyone...which I enjoy tremendously. I love having a house full...and I enjoy cooking for everyone...and having everyone here...eh, sometimes it becomes a lot, but I know these times will never last forever...there's always bound to be that dreadful day when you receive that unwanted phone call...so I guess its good to live for the moment. I'm not ready to date again or anything...I will be way too busy...I know I'll slip back into my routine life of living my life for my family..but eh, what can I do...its who I am...H was a nice distraction from it all...it was great...I just always knew it wouldn't be for long...I will take things slowly, continue working on myself...and then maybe next month, I'll look to go on a date or something...with someone who wants to be in a relationship..with someone who likes me...with someone who I can have a strong physical attraction to...with someone who is nice.....As my girlfriend says, "He's not the only man on the planet with a penis...and its not hard to find a guy who's nice and who has a penis, I just need to leave the house," so with everyone around me, H bashing, I'm sure it will get easier...I hope....I miss him...the nice him....that doesn't exist anymore....