Just a little bit longer...

Okay this is it and then I promise I am done...I will be magically and totally over him. He is in my head all day, the second my eyes pop open...I still haven't heard from him, no email, no phone message, nothing. So I'm thinking, what if I said something horrible to him, like, Babe, I want you to see me have sex with many guys...and let's just say, he was kinda grossed out as I was and didn't answer the phone., then let's just say I receive an email from him stating that he is not the man I'm looking for....I think at that moment.....If I cared for him and said something that was not in my character, I would not stop calling him or emailing him. I would not want to lose him for something stupid that I said, especially if I didn't mean it. Now what if I did mean it, then I would not be in touch with him, no email, no call.
So I firmly believe, with H's silence, that he meant it....and now he knows that I am not into the things he's into. So I'm surre he's out looking or already has found someone who is....I am so upset. I just don't understand how or why he was so perfect in the beginning....he should have known what type of girl I was. I just don't understand it....He was so perfect...the man you dream about...everything was perfect about him, the way he kissed me, the way he touched me, his over kill phone calls, eh, I love those the most...I still have the beautiful petals of the beautiful bouquet of flowers he had given to me. I kept all of the petals and the beautiful ribbon, I still have our movie stub...so I miss him...I just have to acknowledge that he has forgotten me...and moved on. I'm going to stay here for a while...I don't want to move on....just yet...I want to stay in my memories of him...my moments with him, my times with him...I want to listen over and over to the songs we listened to...I want to sit here as I do...everynight watching all of my favorite videos that I sent to him...and eh, I guess I'll try not to brutally make comments for the whole world to know that I miss him and that he hurt me....just a bit longer. My parents will come Wednesday and then I know I'll have no choice but to shake this feeling and snap out of it...but for now...I still want to pine over him and miss him...just a little longer.........H, why did you bother when you knew what kind of person I was....you should've left me alone...someone else would've come along eventually to ruin my life...maybe more hurtful...but I'm glad our paths did cross...I just wish I had more time with you...more of you...just more...why did you do this....