Can anything else go wrong?

I really need to vent...what a week from hell. Just in from a week that just doesn't seem to end, work wise. I had double the amount of work as normal today...and tomorrow a freakin retreat that I really do not have the patience for. I have to be in Queens, who the hell goes to Queens..for a retreat from eleven until about eight...my weekends are getting way too hectic..I am too stifled. With my parents in town..I have too much going on...a housefull yesterday for my moms actual birthday, everyone again on Sunday for my dad, as his actual birthday will be Monday. The weekdays are tough..tough on everyone, especially me, who is left with the major clean up...I need a maasage, maybe tonight I'll go, since I have to be up and out early tomorrow. So my niece, love her to death...to add to my drama...now has a new best friend, H...how he logged on, never on...but somehow on...while my niece and my nephews are playing that frigin penguin game...talk about no luck...now she talks to my friends...her friends come over by me..she is too trusting..tells me she thinks bets is on..I said alright...instead, she was talking to H...now how am I supposed to feel...I couldn't believe it..she knows bets screen name, she always has her picture on..she can see her....she knew what she was doing...she over hears everything...she knows all about him....so I had no choice but to Im him and apologize...could I even be upset with her...no, I can't...I wouldn't want her to feel she did something wrong...and she knows that its okay to talk to people I know...so I apolgized...he accepted..thank god, then I begged her to not write to him since he is not talking to me...with that...last night...as I'm making coffee...she sees him on...and invites him over...do I want to die...she didn't even say anything this time...which leads me to believe..she has that wicked streak I have....my own niece and nephew sold me out for a frigin piece of gum...a piece of gum....tells him I showed her his picture...do I want to die...should I die now...what a sell out....I mean, I did, weeks ago...she was happy....said she has to meet him....my niece has a small tiny memory of the ex....she was young by the time I ended with him....so according to her, I never had a boyfriend...and my other ones....my nephew even wrapped a baby pillow a few years ago and gave it to me on my birthday one year, when I had asked him what it was for...he said it was for my baby..and that he wanted me to have a baby...I cried...I was so not there...but it hit me...he was maybe seven...and here...his whole life, he never saw me with a man....it hit me...what must they think...but I couldn't do anything about it....I would be very protective of who I have the kids around anyway...with H...I wanted him to meet them...they would love him...they are so wicked...but I know they would love him....I wish he had stopped by on new years, but I know he was scared...it was so new....so now..I apologized and I feel horrible and I'm wondering if he's annoyed at Bianca...or if he feels bothered by her....so I offered for him to delete me and vice versa...and I didn't hear back from him...nothing...now I don't have the heart to delete him..I don't want to delete him...I'm not over him....If he wasn't annoyed, he probably would have im'ed me back stating that he wouldn't delete me and he is not annoyed with my niece... he was probably having some wicked conversation with some bimbo who is probably going to watch him have sex with other women this weekend...whatever....
I don't hate him...he has to know I'm hurt, just hurt....he never missed me, he has sex with some woman away...but when I saw him for the first time, he didn't even want to go to a hotel with me...he wouldn't lay next to me, on me...the way I love him...he refused me...but yet with this woman...she gets it all...how am I supposed to feel...maybe he still has her in his head...maybe Bianca intruded on his conversation with some woman...I don't know...all I do know is he could've written back...uh, V, no worries...God, I love it when he says that...Bianca doesn't annoy me...you do....but I still want to bang you...or something like that....I miss him...I really miss him....but he hurts me...hurts my feelings...does he not realize I have feelings....and I won't delete him and I can't pray that my niece is going to stop...to see someone online...is like walking into a gum factory for her....I think I will have to just shut my messenger completely off when they're here, which is just about everyday......but then I'll miss seeing H....but I don't want her bothering him...she's too clueless....and I don't have the heart to tell her anything...I don't want them to be frightened of people...people I know...what am I to do....H must want to choke her...could things get any worse....so this is my week from hell.....and the weekend from hell which will now begin....calgon take me away....I need a man in my life...I need a break...I need someone to make me feel that need to escape for a while, the way H did..before he friggin went away and changed....to just escape into the arms of a strong, yet gentle, sweet speaking man..who has your back...who lets you feel safe to relax and surrender. I need to surrender.....I need to surrender..............