Dating Sucks....

So this is it...my beautiful hunk of a man must leave me....for a little more than 2 weeks....Will I die? I feel like it. Why must he leave? How can he leave me like this? This is all so new, so fresh...and now I must hit the pause button....I don't like the pause button....I like for my movies to just play out, love the happy endings. Uggh, I am trying to be so cool, cool is hard. I have to act as if I'm not phased and that I can deal with this...there is just this thing about distance. I know I will feel him further and further from me. He will be in another country, a country that has girls, yuk. So tonight he tells me that he will meet with a woman there to perhaps go to a movie with. So of course, I must state that I'm thrilled at the very thought...... NOT. What can I do, this is what he wants. So now he tells me that since he'll be away, it would be just fine if I was to date another man. Now, I'm kinda confused. See, I'm not that whorish type...the last date I went on was about 1 month before meeting my dream man. It was one date...a friendly date, no chemistry, sparks, no level of comfort to that degree...we had spoken just about everyday for one month straight prior to meeting up. ....before that...must say...uuugh...long, long time...no one......not even a casual date.....had to fix myself by myself.....connecting to someone is difficult...its freakin hard...either its there or it isnt. Nothing can be forced...it has to be natural. Now for starters, I hate people..I have o tolerance for people, especially men, because they're all full of shit...so now he wants me to go out with someone...now is he serious, or feeling me out...I don't know...see, I'm not a game player...just a straight shooter....if I love you..I'll tell you everyday I love you...you'll just know. I f I can't stand you..wouldn't even give you the time of day...trust me when I tell you that you will know, there will not be one ounce of doubt surrounding your thoughts about it. I am that clear, communication has always been a very important thing for me...I need to be straight up...to the point..don't bullshit around it...because I'm not like that...I'll tell you straight out...So now, I can't understand if he wants me to date someone while he's away because he wants to go there and be so free and he knows he's not coming back for me, so I'm scared...I want him..and only him...hell, I haven't dated in so freakin long and now...I'm going to date someone during 2 weeks?? Ummm, I don't think so, not happening. So I adore him...but if he is trying to tell me that he's not coming home to me...why can't he just tell me...if I know that this is what he wants..then I'd know...but I certainly won't be running out the door to date someone new...uuggh..I need a break. But if he's testing me...umm, I will be annoyed because I think he should know that I'm totally straight forward...I haven't told him that I'm absolutely nuts for him and I can't get him out of my head for a second..but I'm most certain, he has to know..he just has to..its so freakin obvious. I slept with this man after 1 month of knowing him...something I've never in my entire life ever did. So does he want me to date...is he trying to nicely tell me its over...I don't know...I am certainly, even if its over for him, not dating for a looonnnggg time. I'm to busy right now..dating sucks..I skeeve everything and everyone under the sun...I'm quite neurotic...think everyone has germs and diseases...So darling, how I will miss you...in my heart, I want you to come home to me..get off that plane and come to me...throw those arms around me, embrace me with the tightest hug that tells me that you missed me too...and then...and then...give me what you know I want...you for the next 70 hours or so....of just being with me...the whole movie, no preview....what can I do...time will tell me...in time...it will unfold...I have patience...patience for this man..the one I'm so in love with...so taken with............the one I adore...how did I allow this to happen..