Day Dreamer...

What am I going to do? How did I allow this to happen? So we kissed and made up. How I adore this man to no end. I never thought it could be possible to be so taken by someone. Never have I ever felt so comfortable with someone my entire life. I have fallen so deeply for him and I don't know what to do. I am trying so hard to be cool and somewhat in control of myself, but I can't. After spending the night together, I am just day dreaming..this is not good for me. I can't get him out of my sight, out of my head for a minute. I have the biggest smile on my face and I can't help but feel guilty. I feel so guilty feeling this amount of happiness. I feel as if I'm not entitled to it..I shouldn't have it. How can someone be so perfect. How I just stare at him in complete awe..sometimes I'm not even listening to him, just staring at him and lisening to that sexy voice that drives me insane....he would give me a D for not paying attention and for being so sappy... He has melted away so much from me that he could never ever understand. I am so myself with him that it frightens me to death. So myself, no tough skin, no tough attitude, all of my defenses are down. I am never my true self around people, there is always a wall. My tough fake wall automatically kicks in. With him, I'm 20 again...nice, sweet, able to laugh, soft, not afraid of being my true self by nature. With every kiss, he breaths oxygen into me..making me come alive, minute by minute...Every minute, I get closer to him...more comfortable with him....How did I allow this to happen....I made a deal that I need no one...I would never fall for someone....I've chosen to be alone forever...living in my safe little world. How dare he come along and pull me out of it. He has some nerve, saving my soul like this.....taking my soul and making me all his...but can he be all mine.....never...he's leaving me now for 2 weeks...how I will miss him....every inch of him....what do I do....he has to stay out of my head and out of my heart. Maybe he'll meet someone...maybe he'll fall in love as I have...and I won't have to worry about the way I'm feeling. Maybe I should force myself to date someone during these 2 weeks..make myself interested in someone......so when he returns....I'll be over him and he can live his life the way he wants to and I won't be a mess like this. But this would be difficult.....as I hate people...don't have time nor patience for people, especially men. Who could possibly be like him...so perfect..so intune with everything I crave in this life...so intune with all of my most hidden and secret thoughts...how does he say the things he says...it's as if he's able to read my heart and my mind...my soul. Maybe I need to just let things happen with him...be brave..show him I'm not affected by all of the other women he wants to love...when deep down inside eh, I'll end up hurt. I want him to be happy...even if it means that I would be miserable...I am too happy when I'm with him, I never want it to end...I want to be in bed with him, all day and all night....how can I tell if he feels the same................Oh God, I need to run away..........Darling...stop giving me so much...you're making me want more and more with each moment...this is so wrong for us....