Just For Fun

Monday, August 28, 2006


Okay, this one's for fun. In life, we need to be serious, but there must also be laughter and craziness as well. Keep your soul young, lighten up, be playful, it'll keep you young, like me!When you occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when i remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Vita, may I please speak to Salvatore Khan?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f***ing number!" and he slammed the phone down. When I tracked down Sal's number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last 2 digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the "wrong number" again. When the same guy answered the phone again, I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole." It always cheered me up, made me feel better. When caller id was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole' calling would have to stop. So I called his number and said "Hi, this is Lisa Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our caller id program." He yelled "No" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!" and I hung up.One day I was at the store getting ready to pull into a parking spot. All of a sudden, some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down HIS number.A few days later, right after calling a**hole #1, (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a**hole too. I said,"Is this the man with the Black BMW for sale? He said, "Yes it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said. "I live at 123 86th Street and the car's parked right in front. I asked, "What's your name?" He said, " Don Johnson." I asked, "When's a good time to see it Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after 5pm." I said, "Listen Don, you're an a**hole!" Then I hung up, adding his number to my speed dial too.Now when I had a problem, I had 2 a**holes to call. Then I came up with an idea.I called a**hole #1. He said, "Hello". I said "You're an a**hole" but I didn't hang up. He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "Make me." He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Johnson" He said, "Yeah, where do you live?" I said, "A**hole, I live at 123 86th Street. I have a black beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now Don and you better say your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole" and I hung up.Then I called A**hole#2, He said, "Hello" and I said "Hello A**hole." He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are....I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!" I answered, "Well, a**hole, today's your lucky day, because I"m coming over right now!" Then I hung up and immediately called the police, explained that I lived at 123 86th Street and that my gay lover was coming over to kill me. Then I called the Channel 3 News Team and explained about the gang war going down at 123 86th Street. I quickly got in my car and headed over to see 2 a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 cop cars and an overhead news helicopter. Now I feel much better!