Only The Lonely

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Okay let's think for just a moment of all of the lonely people we know. I know many and i am certain you do as well. Lonely people are lonely because they refuse to try. They refuse to come a little out of the circle. They continue to go out with the same lonely people, the same people who, maybe for just that instance, allow them to feel good and secure. They will always feel better than maybe 1 or 2 in their safe little comfort world. These people are lonely. They refuse to help themselves and then, they want to complain. They have convinced themselves that they are perfect and that everyone should fall at their feet. I see through this. You are not the best that you believe yourself to be. You trust no one. You cant fall in love and you refuse to because you are so in love with yourself. She comes to you. You find her. You know you were looking for her because if you weren't, you wouldn't have been there at that same precise moment. Something led you to her. Maybe that same day, you had misplaced your keys, you were mad. But it all worked out because those 10 minutes of fluster led you to find her at that moment. That is precious. That is unique. You sit down to talk. Pour yourself a glass of white wine so you're at ease. She speaks. She's gentle. After a month has past, you know she has developed feelings for you. She's not in love with you but she cares about you. You act on this. Being a man, you need to be in control of this and where it's going. She's flowing like water with you but thats not good enough for you. You must torture her. You must have her pay a second time for all that she has confidentially divulged to you. You need this to go your way. She is nice, delicate, honest and would never dream of hurting you, but you must hurt her, you just have to. Yep, you're the lonely one. You can't get closer with your mind or your soul. You're holding back. You believe that this will end because YOU will end it, it is your call, your doing, you're on a high about it. You're frightened of the hidden danger that may come from expressing yourself. In your mind, it's best to cut your losses. Here are your losses: You actually had a smile on your face and a hard on that never ended for her. You fantasized about her when she wasn't holding you in her arms. This is what you need to end. And you must do it now because yep, you are the lonely one. Why can't you see that there is nothing wrong with feeling good, being with someone who is good to you, who respects you, who adores you. Why do you punish yourself? There are so many around you, I see their faces yet you are so lonely. You asked for me and i came. Why is there no value, no trust? So now lets fast forward to 2 years from now. You're still alone. You think of her, her words, her dreams, her fantasies. You wonder now..was she the one? Did I really see it to the end? Or did I end that magic, that natural connection too soon? What was i thinking? I will never ever know. I didn't trust her. I was too afraid. Why couldn't i just tell her? She, of all women, would've understood. Now I'm alone, once again. I must get the lesson from this. I must learn that i have to stop thinking so much, stop writing so much and actually touch her, feel her, love her. Let her love me right down to my toes. I need to remain focused on not what i want, but what i need. And i need to let someone love me, please.